5 Unique Alternatives to Wedding Cake

With my wedding coming up shortly, I've been frantically trying to get things done and so haven't been around here much. I've been very lucky to have George Street Photo & Video offer to write a few guest posts! Below is their first offering, all about delicious treats! I hope you'll come back for more!
-K

Frosting-covered, custard-filled, fruit-topped...I, for one, could dream about wedding cake all day! This sweet staple is clearly a mainstay at so many weddings. But these days, couples have raised the bar on the dessert front. In fact, many are opting for the non-traditional route — for the dessert that appeals to their preferences and showcases their very own wedding vision!

If a traditional wedding cake isn’t your thing, why not treat your guests to something different...something a bit more daring? Take a look at the unique dessert alternatives we’re savoring ‘til the last bite!

Grab & Go Pies: These tiny delights are too cute for words! Not only are they delicious, but guests can easily take one (or three…) on their way to the dance floor. No need for fussy plates or forks! Plus, doesn’t everything taste better in miniature form?

DIY Treat Bar: This option gives your guests the chance to play chef for the night! Set out jars of candy and goody bags so everyone can fill up on their own sweet selections. Or, better yet, channel everyone’s inner camper and set up an interactive s’mores station. Simply round up the key ingredients and let ‘em run with it!

Delectable Donuts: These little guys? Yeah, they’re not just a breakfast treat. They’re sugary, doughy, indulgent masterpieces, and they totally deserve a spot on your dessert menu! Whether you stack them up into a tiered tower or simply serve them up separately, we guarantee they’ll be an instant hit.

Cake Pop Confections: One thing’s for sure — cake pops are the new wedding craze! Offering a variety of tasting toppings and cake fillings, your guests will love toting these around throughout the reception. Extra points for crafting your pops to match your wedding color palette!

Pastry Perfection: Remember those fun trips to grandma’s house as a little kid? Well, I do — and I know that one of the highlights of those trips was diving into the delicious pastry spread she somehow always had waiting for me! Why not share those with your guests? If you’re really looking to get creative, test out fun spins on old recipes, like strawberry shortcake!

Maybe you’ve scoped out all of these options and decided you simply can’t quit that dream wedding cake. And that’s okay! Try combining the best of both worlds by offering cake and a few other alternatives to ensure there’s something for everyone. And yes...we’ll look the other way when you sneak a taste of that cake frosting. After all, it’s your wedding day, right?

For more information on wedding photography and videography, please visit George Street Photo & Video.

Finding Comfortable Shoes

When many people think wedding, one of the things they think of is glamour. The bride will be stunning and the groom dashingly handsome.

Shoes aren't necessarily high on the list of things to think about, but I think it's safe to assume that in general people assume the bride will wear high heels. That's not really practical for many of us spoonies though.

If you still want to aim for heels, consider those with small heels on this list from Barking Dog Shoes.

If flats are more your thing, there is a wide variety to choose from. Are you the type of bride whose silly personality shines through everything you do? You may have fun wearing bright shoes - maybe even sneakers (FYI Sketchers has some really awesome bright selections)!

Bright crazy colors aren't your thing? Consider a comfy pair of Converse. It's becoming quite a trend recently.

Looking for shoes that are a little more traditional yet comfy? Check out Jellypop shoes. These shoes are cute and very supportive. Their sizes are often a half size larger/wider than most companies, allowing me and my giant wide feet to fit into a size 10 shoe. They have everything from heels and wedges to boots and flats. I've gone with the Shakira shoe, which matches my dress well.

There are many people who wear cute flip flops, which I'd advise against. These shoes offer no support, and you have to remember that you'll be standing up a good amount of the night between your ceremony, dancing, and mingling with your guests.

The same issue with support goes for those who choose to marry barefoot. Note that this also can add a level of danger especially for those of us on immune suppressing medications. You never know what's on the floor or the earth - or what might be dragged in with the arrival of your guests.

Not loving the shoe ideas presented here? The Walking Company has a ton of comfortable and supportive dress shoes, both flat and heeled. Kohls also often has very cute and supportive dress shoes.

Feel free to share your favorite supportive shoes in the comments!

The Favor Dilemma: to give or not to give

One of the biggest questions facing brides and groom is what to do for favors for your guests. Favors can also be one of the biggest expenses that creeps up on you, depending on the size of your wedding.

Some people opt to go the fancy way, saying that these guests may have spent over $100 on your present, so you should get a high quality favor. That can run you hundreds of dollars. It's ridiculous.

Others want to go the DIY route, making cake or cookies mixes and packaging them cutely (is that even a word?). This is a cute idea, but depending on dietary restrictions of your guests, this could be an issue. As a bride who is gluten free with multiple food allergies, I probably wouldn't be able to partake in this favor at someone else's wedding.

The route that we are choosing to go is to donate to charity on behalf of our guests. Due to my multiple diseases, we wanted to choose a charity that would be meaningful - and one that we know would really benefit from our money, one that does great things. After taking a look at our options, we're actually going to donate to one of the orgs that I do volunteer and fundraising work with, the Arthritis National Research Foundation. 91 cents on the dollar goes to research - which is basically all they focus on. In the last few years, they have made some great progress for arthritis related diseases, and I'm excited to see what they do next. They also sell bracelets, that we may get to give to our guests as well.

While this type of gift may or may not give your guests concrete favors, it can help to further research or awareness for the disease you or your loved ones might suffer from. There are even companies that you can buy fancy chocolates from to give your guests in addition to the donation in their names. They're expensive, but it works.

What would/did you do?

Spoon Shortage: Tips & Tricks

Happy new year!

We all can admit that having a shortage of spoons does not help whatsoever when you're wedding planning. Your body is already trying to precariously balance the normal stresses associated with your daily tasks - work or school (or both!), relationships, money, etc - and of course your treatments and issues associated with that. Now you want to add in a wedding huh?

When you first get engaged, it's like a rush of excited energy comes over you. You want to plan and go get married right now. Once you actually get into it, things just feel like they drain your energy 10x as much as they did before. But your excitement is still there, so you keep going.

Eventually you hit a wall where the last thing you want to look at is your wedding stuff. And that just feels rotten... especially if you have people around who are excited for you and want to believe that you're excited 24/7 for the rest of your life to begin - to the point of where, if you're not excited, something must be wrong OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED??

Yeah, no.

Here are some tips on how to get through wedding planning without permanently losing all your spoons (or marbles):

• Set aside specific times to do wedding planning. A tempting thought is to set aside every Saturday until the day you get married for wedding stuff - please just don't. You won't be able to stick to it, and you'll feel rotten even if you miraculously do.
• Realize that your fiance may or may not care about the same stuff you do when it comes to details. Guys generally have no idea how much detailed planning goes into weddings. You can either try to show them how difficult it is so you can plan things together, or ask him for what things are important to him and have him take over those parts.
• Set up helper days! It's tempting to want to do everything yourself, but recognize that even for the non-chronically-ill that just isn't possible. Have your gals come over for a wine and dine and invite addressing night, or involve your mom in picking out flowers. Just like with most spoonie things, asking for help can be the best choice you ever make.
• Make sure that, even in the midst of planning or the day you get married, you don't lose track of eating or drinking water (or wine!) and taking your meds according to schedule. Make sure you eat breakfast; have snacks with you when you're running around; always carry extra pain pills. A bride is pain is one that won't think clearly, and one without food is just scary.
• Take your time. Unless you need to get married ASAP for reasons (insurance, deployment, severe illness, etc), take your sweet bippy time with planning this thing. It's a huge undertaking, even if you're not inviting many people. 2 year engagements are awesome.
• You can't please everyone. There will be things other people want that you think are dumb, but don't fight too much over it. This is one day - and the wedding, while coming out of your pocket and being your brainchild, is really for your friends and family and not in the end for you.
• Keep the big picture in mind. You're getting married to your best friend - is it really going to matter if the tablecloths are blue or white?

And just remember - stress makes just about every medical condition worse. Try to take things slow :)

Why I hate the term Bride-zilla

The vast majority of women picture what their weddings will be like when they are children watching Disney princess movies and picturing their own Prince Eric or Naveen. Some of them are even aware that they may have to kiss a few frogs to find that prince, but when they get him they'll never let him go.

Side note about me: I didn't grow up really that way because of my illnesses. I've always had self-esteem problems and thought I'd die too early to marry or that no one would want me and then ended up in abusive relationships with guys who wanted to marry me for sex. That's how many chronically ill and/or abused children grow up, often regardless of how supportive parents may be. I'm also incredibly eclectic so if I had planned my wedding in my head from childhood, it would be completely screwed up.

Men don't really go through the same things. Weddings don't carry the same emotional weight with them often as weddings might for women. So if your wondering why your fiance doesn't want to look at 80 different centerpiece ideas on pinterest, it isn't because he is getting cold feet - it's because the party aspect of the wedding often isn't as big of a deal. I know this because I'm living it right now. It is incredibly frustrating and I often feel like I'm planning things alone, but with the help of my girls I am figuring out how to integrate Theron into the ceremony through pointed questions and the like. I also seem to like a lot of different ideas than he does, so when he isn't as emotionally vested in things it makes it really hard for me to figure out what to do so that we don't have decor he hates on our big day.

I also just really, really hate making decisions especially when I'm not really the one forking over the money over this and he is.

No matter how much your fiance plays a role in things, getting married and having a wedding is stressful. There is a reason why wedding planners like David Tutera get paid the big bucks (David, come plan my wedding for free and I will make you all the tasty treats!!! I'd pay you, but I'm kind of in like $80k of debt between student loans and medical bills...). There is also a reason why being the maid of honor is a big fucking deal (I'm so sorry Katy).

For those of you who have been living under a rock, a bride-zilla is basically a woman who goes overboard with demands (and being demanding) with wedding details. Examples can include women getting 'uppity' over b-maid dresses, timing, pictures, hair, etc, etc, etc.

I'm going to throw a statistic at you compiled in my brain from all the damn wedding books and sites I've been looking at - the average wedding in the US costs between 25 and 30 THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS.

You read that right. Many many cost less and many cost more, but apparently that is the mean.

We aren't even close to being in the financial position to spend almost what the fiance makes in a year and more than I make in a year and a half on a party. But just ignore that for a minute...

For many, monogamy is still a big issue. I'm not one usually for religious ideals, but I am one for sentimentality. I love my fiance with all my heart. We both have come from very interesting family dynamics, with his parents having divorced when he was young and my single mama raising me and my sister living in the same house as her mother and brother. It is important to us, for ourselves and no one else, to find that person we can and will love until we each die. Theron is my penguin, and I am his. So us getting married and knowing that without a doubt this is the only wedding we each want to be in? That is a big deal. It is a lot of pressure, without planning the wedding entering the picture at all.

I also just think the term bride-zilla is terribly sexist, probably coming from people who do not understand the magnitude of the pressure and stress this event brings.

To recap:

• Many brides plan weddings with very little input from their grooms (I wonder how this works in a same sex situation. Hmmm.)
• Weddings cost a shit-load of money
• You are throwing a gigantic ass party for your nearest and dearest
• And, for some of us, it is the only wedding we will have

So forgive me if I do go a little bonkers, but as a bride I think maybe I might deserve that sometimes. That's just being a bride, not an odd bride-godzilla love child I promise.

Choosing a Venue

When you have the ability - or ants in the pants - to begin planning your wedding roughly 2 years in advance, you figure that the venue situation is one that won't need your attention right away, as the vast majority of to-do checklists are for just about one year. However, I can tell you right now that's wrong!!

Your venue is a HUGE part of what you will do on your wedding day (DUH). Bakers may want to incorporate parts of your venue into your cake(s). Caterers will want to know details about location and size of your event. And you can forget trying to talk to a photographer or a florist about plans when you don't know the size of your space or how easy it is to transport gear there.

Don't forget that there are people who have 5 year long engagements either, so you know they've already nailed down venue stuff leaving less room for you and your desired date! Places just book up very fast, especially for Saturday weddings in the summer.

From just after the time we got engaged, I've pictured a church-y wedding. I'm not religious at all, but having majored in religions I just think that churches are incredibly beautiful and sacred regardless of belief. They're an example of our values, the things we hold most dear, and our fears for the future.The fact that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to show which things have importance and really emphasize them is, in this day and age, growing more and more rare and in its own way sacred.

Picking my dress, I wanted something worthy of a church wedding. I wanted something gorgeous and breath taking, but not enough to distract from my beauty or the details in my surroundings. I wanted a fun dress, but one that was appropriate for a special place. I still can't believe we're spending as much money on it as we are, holy crap.

I had a specific location here in Madison, Wisconsin, picked out. It was a synagogue at one point and was moved, to save it from demolition, to a city park. It is just gorgeous itself and on a sunny day it just lights up something fierce outside. The only problem is that, being a city park structure, we wouldn't be able to reserve it until November of 2013 for our August 2014 wedding. We also would have to decorate Saturday morning (WHAT?) and have everything out by a certain time. City structures and nature parks have an appeal because of their pricing, but clearly some downsides.

There also was no way to set up a reception in the unfinished basement used for storage that not only contained the only bathrooms in the building as well but was not ADA accessible. As a spoonie inviting other spoonies (and secretly worried about my condition that day - helloooo stress!), I couldn't do it. So we began investigating other sites.

Some had the appeal of the outdoors, like a private park not too far out of town run by a family. But then we have no bathroom and need a porta potty trailer. I'm not even kidding, these things exist. Ew. Plus in August, an indoor venue is a better idea if not only for the cakes' sake.

We visited a gorgeous former church last week and as I walked in I knew right away this was where we were getting married. I'm sure it didn't help that the boys had it decorated with flowers along the aisle and music though. And it has everything we want.

The priest rooms to either side of the stage at the front of the church have been turned into the bride's and groom's ready rooms (with the latter having only one entrance and exit bwahahaha). The seats are pews, which will be great for the spoonies I invite and give room for any children to kind of have their own creative space for coloring if they get bored. There is also an elevator. The floor is also kind of squishy so standing however long in any shoes will be easier. And there is a basement complete with a bar and a dance floor, ready to go for the reception. The guys who run this place live on the grounds and will be there to help throughout our time. And we get it for Friday night, all day Saturday and until noon on Sunday. It's really a steal for the price!

DIY for the Fibro Bride: Save-the-Dates

Note: Hi, everyone! I'm so excited to be contributing to this blog! I'm doing a DIY wedding blog series right now on ChickOpinion.com/FibroTips4Chicks and thought I'd throw a few of my posts over to this one because it's the perfect venue. I will, however, definitely write a few specifically for "A Very Spoonie Wedding" in the near future. xoxo Kinsey

Congratulations! You're engaged! Once you've figured out when and where you're getting married, the first thing you need to do is get save-the-dates. I assume that the reason you're reading this is because you want to make them! A lot of fibromyalgia patients have part-time jobs or are unemployed, so this is an easy way that you can get great looking save-the-date postcards without spending a lot of money or having too much stress put on you.

The front of my Save-the-Date postcard.

Materials

• Card stock
• Printer
• Computer
• Powerpoint (or something like it)
• Scissors or paper-cutter
• Postcard stamps
• Pen
• Time

Instructions

• Go to WeddingChicks.com and find their "DIY Printable Wedding Template" section (the previous link is direct to this section).
• Choose a template you like. This can take a long time! I liked most of them and messed around with a lot of them.
• Input your information and your colors to the template.
• Play around with them! Don't print anything without being 100% sure it's exactly what you want. You can be as picky as you want--it's your wedding!
• "Create" your print.
• Download it.
• Save it. Save your work. lol
• Open Powerpoint.
• Review the USPS rules for postcards here to make sure you have the right size. If you don't have the legal size, they won't mail it and you won't be able to reuse it.
• Review the main points of your Save-the-Date. I used mine as an announcement, too, so I told people that we're getting married, I told them the date, what city it would be in, my email address, and that an invitation would follow. There isn't anything else that needs to be on there. There's also not much room for anything else on a postcard.

The back of my Save-the-Date postcard.

• Start with a rectangle that is the size of your postcard. You'll hide this later, but it's important to contain your objects.
• I made the back of the postcard monochromatic (the red lines are from the screenshot, letting me know that our names are misspelled!) because I didn't want to completely deplete my ink supply. Obviously, you'll need to choose your colors according to what you want.
• Try to match the font that you use on the back of your postcard with the one the template uses on the front. 
• You can play with what is in the foreground and background to make any "watermark"-type situations you want. You can also do this by messing around with the transparency of an object.
• Make sure you have your return address on your postcard. Mine is under the grey rectangle--don't need everybody knowing where I live! :-)
• Once the back is exactly how you like it, group it together.
• Save it.
• Copy it and paste the copy next to the original so that you have two postcard backs next do each other.
• Save.
• Get yourself a new slide in the same "presentation."
• Insert your previously downloaded front of the Save-the-Date on the new slide.
• Copy and paste it so you have two postcard fronts next to each other (see below).

Screen shot of the two slides.

• Make sure that they have the same margins, so when you print them they'll end up matching. This part can be tedious and very irritating. Be patient.
• Save. :-)
• Load your printer with card stock.
• Print only one of the slides first. Eg. 30 copies of the front of the postcard.
• Figure out how your printer works: do you need to flip the pages over or around or backwards to get the other side of the postcard to print where it needs to?
• Print the other side.
• Cut them out!
• Get your postcard stamps out and start stamping! Make sure you use postcard stamps and not regular ones; you'll save about 50% of your stamp money!
• Address them.
• Mail them! :-)

You're done! I received a fantastic response to mine--people loved them! They look so professional and, while they do take a few hours to make yourself, it's completely worth it.

When you DIY, Destiny Is Yours! 

Dress Try-outs: Shopping Around

As someone who just purchased her wedding dress from a local boutique after visiting David's Bridal, I really really encourage you to visit multiple bridal boutiques.

First off, David's Bridal on a busy day feels like a dairy farm. We felt as though we were being herded through pens like cattle. And there constantly seems to be something that goes wrong, whether it is a forgotten appointment or a consultant doing double duty or teenagers shopping for their prom dresses.

All three happened Saturday morning. Seriously.

The consultant we had was much ruder than the other two times I have been to DB. I brought a list with me of dresses and she kept bringing out shit not on the list. I brought a list with me for a reason and I finally had to have my MOH look up the one dress on the list I wanted to show to my bridal party and my momma so we could demand it. It took forever, and then because she was doing double duty I ended up in dresses for sometimes 15-20 minutes. Are you kidding me?

I was not treated like one of a kind and made a come back appointment against my will. But it's not like I'll be keeping it anyway!

For the second stop, I had made an appointment at a local boutique that I have heard amazing things about and I was so very glad to have a spot after a mishap with another boutique that shall remain nameless.

Vera's House of Bridal is located maybe 5 minutes from my apartment and practically next door to the movie theater the fiance and I frequent. Unlike many local places, you can view the collections they have dresses from on their website, and even save a favorites list to take in with you. And perhaps the best thing - Vera, who began the business in 1964, is in her 80s and still comes to work every single day and manages the boutique very well.

Another thing I loved about their place is that there are actual rooms where you can try on your dresses with abundant seating, a special mirror to see the back of your dress - and they have plenty of bottles of water, which is great with my Sjogren's acting up lately.

After about 2 hours there, I walked back to the car having paid for half of a dress that will end up being probably two and a half times more than I was expecting to pay... but I'm also shopping local and getting amazing service, including free storage so I don't have to worry about wrecking my dress trying it on every day haha.

And now everything seems so much more real. I have a year and a half to go until the big day, and part of me feels like it isn't enough time - but another big part of me is ready to get this done and be Mrs. Schultz.

My precioussssss

Happy Valentine's Day

Cake Tasting

Mmmmm cake.

Cake shopping when you're gluten free can be quite a hassle. Going to wedding expos and shows is pretty fun, but the large majority of cake places (and a lot of catering places in general) unfortunately aren't equipped for gluten or allergen free events.

We found two locally here that can do more than one flavor that seem really really nice, so this post will be about tasting at the front runner, Bloom Bake Shop.

We live in a really progressive area and we like to support local businesses when we can, so Bloom is a natural choice. They're local, sustainable, organic, fair-trade - and have an AMAZING gluten free selection every day of the week... except for Sundays and Mondays but that's only because they're closed! They have a lot of gluten free things that are vegan too, which is important to me as I really do try to limit my dairy.

They also love to do cupcake weddings! They even have a tiny cake made to be the top of a cupcake tier. And their prices are not too shabby, especially considering we aren't planning on splurging horribly for anything.

When we got there tonight, we weren't sure just how it was going to go. Essentially what happened though is they brought us 2 plates of 4 cupcakes each, mine were all gluten free and his weren't, and we got to taste and talk to each other about it. In the end, I think we'll end up going all gluten free so I can eat allll the cakes!

We definitely need to try other places, but I really enjoyed getting to brainstorm a little with their main person and eating free cake. She was open to a lot of questions so I wish I had prepared some! But I've done a fair amount of research on them as well so maybe that was okay.

So here are some tips regarding cake testing!

• Ask questions - especially if you have an interesting theme or anything special you want to do with your cake
• If local and organic things are your preference, do your homework. Most bigger cities have at least one bakery willing to go the distance there
• And definitely do your homework when it comes to allergen issues and cakes. Bloom is not a GF specific bakery and so there is possible risk of contamination. However, they really do a great job to protect from that.

Next weekend, I head off to try on dresses with my nearest and dearest ladies!

Wedding Dress Tryouts and Expos

My last two weekends have been filled with wedding things, to the point where I'm getting overwhelmed honestly. On the 5th, my maid of honor and I went and tried on wedding & bridesmaid dresses and to a wedding expo over in Milwaukee. This past weekend, I dragged my fiance to the expo here in Madison.

Through it all I've ended up with a gigantic binder full of crap and a lot of stuff to take down to the recycling bin. It's been a bit of a headache really. But out of it I have some great tips!

First off, the best tip I have for the first few times trying on dresses is to take your maid of honor or sister or whatever - but that one person who you're close to who shares your style... even if it's your fiance. I know it's "against the rules" but I've been asking his opinion though he won't see me in the dress until the day I think. Superstitions seem silly when you've been through so much with a chronic illness progressing and this man (or woman) in your life. Then again, so do normal "for better or worse, in sickness and health" vows but that's an issue for another day.

I took my MOH Katy these first two times trying on dresses and it has significantly reduced my crazy dress issues. And she can try on bridesmaid dresses and help with colors as well as styles!

Also, she's there to look fabulous!

Second, take pictures! You're never going to see the dress from all the angles someone else would.

Empire waist

I found out I hate the front of this dress

Oh, but I love the back of it so!

Third? Make sure you're not wearing zebra print panties when you try dresses on. White would be a really good idea.

Oops.

Look online for inspiration and bring in pictures. Also learn wedding dress terminology like mermaid, sheath, sweetheart neckline, etc. For big chain stores or ones that carry certain designers you can definitely (AND SHOULD) look at styles online and go in with a style number or picture that you'd like to try. I have a HUGE list right now - gulp!

And don't be afraid to revisit a dress that you loved instantly but dumped because it didn't have lace (satin, rouching, beads, etc). I put on this dress right away and fell in love but have since dumped it because it isn't lacy. However,  I'm not entirely pleased with the two above and I'm convinced this may end up being THE dress.

Definitely don't limit yourself to one big chain of wedding stores. So far that's all I've tried (you know the one) but I have appointments at some local boutiques set up and am definitely looking into booking a few more with all those coupons I got at those wedding expos!

(Nice segue, right?)

Zoinks

Okay, it's overwhelming and it'll be like walking past all the kiosk people in the mall but you've practiced the ignoring skills there right? Truth be told you may not want to employ those ignoring skills at expos (unless you don't want to rent - and I'm serious - a Bucky Badger fancy trailer bathroom).

First tip here - if you eat before, only eat a little. There WILL be cake.

Mmmmmmmmm cake

That said, if you end up at an expo where they make you do crazy things for prizes, walk out immediately.

My dignity has to be somewhere in here.

The truth is there will be lots of ways at classy expos for you to win free stuff - some of which you may even get there! I got free fake lashes put on and ended up looking AMAZING.

My Still's rash was cooperating YAY

Visit all the booths you want to and if a booth is too busy come back. One I wanted to visit was too busy to talk to someone every time we walked past but I grabbed their handout stuff anyway. Also make sure you ask questions for any accommodations you may need. There were really only two bakers between both expos that have multiple gluten free options so I'm definitely glad I asked before thinking about booking a tasting!

Make sure you sign up for free shit but remember these people will actually follow up. It would be good to have a separate email address for wedding things or at least a folder in your inbox dedicated to the big day. This may also be the time to remove the crazy ringtone from your phone and explore how to set it on silent.

I found this tip from Pinterest I think and it has REALLY helped me at both expos - get address labels (or create your own) so you don't have to fill out as much on forms. It was a godsend, especially with fibro phoebe and Arthur-itis being active lately.

It would also be good to at least have a rough idea of what you want for decorations and such, as well as (at the bare minimum) the month and year of your big day.

Oh, and definitely make sure to hit up the fashion shows! There are usually two per day - typically noon and three for an expo running from 10am to 5pm.

I do my little turn on the catwalk. On the catwalk, yea!

Afterwards, go through all the take homes and recycle (please!) the things you decide not to look further into and compile the keep things into a binder. I keep my things separated with those divider tabs I bought in college and never used.

Now I do have another tip to share right now while we're on the subject:

Enter every damn contest and get all the free things you can girl! Many of the expo booths will have freebees and contests but then the expos themselves many times have a contest to win things donated by the different companies and such. There are also a few good websites out there, like Wedding Vibe, with getaways and giveaways done like every damn day. And many places will allow you to get samples for free. One great place I found was Exclusively Weddings, where you can get free invitation samples. If you have to pay to enter a contest, just shut down the page and throw that junk mail away.

Speaking of contests...

Please forgive me, but from the 17th-30th of January I'll be using the blog and the facebook page to pimp myself out. No, I haven't magically turned into a car, but I am trying to win a David's Bridal contest worth $2500 towards my wedding - which I desperately need! I would very much appreciate it if you'd come vote for me and share the link with your friends!

Beth :) 2.0

I finally felt good enough this weekend to drive "dress in a box" over to David's Bridal, with my sisters/bridesmaids in tow for a day of dress trying on and picking out and all that good stuff. I'll admit it was an interesting experience for a group of tomboys like ourselves. My sisters burped, farted, cursed, and basically did everything you shouldn't do in a bridal boutique. Gotta love them no matter what. But, end result is THE DRESS IS OFFICIAL and fits. However if i end up on another unexpected round of Prednisone in the next nine months it might not fit so good anymore.. Now im home from school/work on a sick day, i guess it all caught up with me.

The 3 W's of Wedding Decisions

Since the end of September, I have been kind of immersed in wedding things. It even was so bad the weekend we got engaged that it caused a little tiff between me and the fiance. It was easily solved though. Sometimes it can be really hard to face the issues concerning chronic illness in your life. For me, I needed to be able to become immersed in these things because I work a dead end job and my health issues don't make it any easier to have happy thoughts sometimes. It isn't easy living with uncontrolled pain and questionably working medications while you watch people your age out partying, exploring the world, and participating in sports that hurt you to even think about.

One of the first things that an engaged couple should do is have the budget talk. I'm kind of avoiding it since I have an amazing amount of debt between student loans and credit cards filled with medical bills.

But the next step is to brainstorm/daydream and think about the following W's of Wedding planning.

Who

Who are the people in your life that you value the most? Who can you trust to help get things organized and keep you together mentally through your big day? A spoonie has an added challenge here as it isn't always easy to have friends that can be physically near you who also understand the issues associated with your illness. You need to have people in your wedding party that trust and believe that you are ill and who can help take on maybe a little more responsibility than the normal party members - because you are going to have days where you're supposed to meet with vendors but the brain fog takes hold of you and you need someone there to back you up and help remember everything, or help you to get all your ducks in a row the morning of your wedding because dealing with the anxiety gets 'normal' people overwhelmed easily and you need to have as little stress as possible. In short, you need people who really are your friends/family, who are dedicated to helping make your day special, and don't mind needing to put in a little extra elbow grease to help you get things done.

For my fiance and I, our entire tiny wedding party is all girls. I have my college roommate and best friend Katy as my maid of honor. I chose her over my sister and his (our two bridesmaids) not because I value her more than family but because she is family to me and I know she knows how to get shit done where sometimes the sisters may not have experience with these things. His best maid is his best friend Melody, the only person who knew he was going to pop the question and who helped him pick things out long distance from New York. These four special ladies are family to me, regardless of DNA. I know that they all recognize my illness and that they will do whatever they can to assist my fiance and me in getting things done.

Where

Picking a location can be a tough one for any bride. You'll have to really think about your dream day and what, if any, kind of theme you are going to go off of. If you want a lot of hanging floral or light pieces, getting married in a 200 year old wooden Norwegian chapel in northern Wisconsin might not be the best fit. You'll also need to consider how many people you will have on your guest list and use it to guide which venues you end up visiting.

The spoonie bride will face additional issues with accessibility needs. If you need to be able to sit, you won't necessarily want a beach where it'll be difficult to walk and not much better to sink a seat into. Likewise, picking a venue where you won't be able to fit a wheelchair through a doorway won't help if you try to rest your joints and avoid walking the morning of your wedding so you can store some spoons for dancing and mingling with loved ones. And dealing with stairs if your worst joints are your ankles/hips/knees in a poofy dress isn't going to be the best idea either.

You just have to keep all these things in mind and decide which things are necessities for you or your groom.

When

Choosing a time of year can be a little daunting for some brides. For the spoonie bride, additional worries include how possible weather conditions may affect how she feels on her special day. Living in Wisconsin, even thinking about getting married in winter pains me. With the rain we tend to get, spring and fall aren't much better. Summer can be extremely hot here certain years, but there are a few weeks where the weather tends to be warm and mild - aka the month of August. Once you think about the month, you will need to pick a few dates and keep them in mind as you start shopping for a venue.


January brings an interesting set of wedding expos in Wisconsin. This weekend, I will be spending a much needed girls weekend with my maid of honor and my fiance's sister in Milwaukee trying on dresses and heading to an expo at the state fairgrounds. The following weekend there is an expo here in Madison where I live and I'm going to try to get the fiance to go with me. In discussing this with my GP a few weeks ago, he said I should go with some gals and stop attempting to torture my poor fiance :)

I hope that the new year finds you all well. I'm definitely looking forward to sharing my adventures trying on more dresses and visiting these expos with you!

Beth :)

Hey there everyone! Very excited to be a part of A Very Spoonie Wedding. My name's Beth, i'm 23, Rheumatoid Arthritis is my body's weapon of choice, and ive been engaged for a whole year already (whew). I look forward to blogging about the big day, and the little speed bumps my disease puts in the way. But, honestly, theres a giant snow storm headed up the East Coast and im feelin it in my swollen lil fingers, so i'll have to sign out for now :( 

Hello and Welcome!

Welcome to the inaugural post for A Very Spoonie Wedding. If you aren't familiar with the term spoonie, it is a nickname that those of us in the chronic illness world have adopted after Christine Miserandino's "The Spoon Theory" from But You Don't Look Sick.

Over the next 2 years, a few of us intend to share our journey of planning a wedding dealing with chronic illness - namely, forms of autoimmune arthritis such as Still's Disease. We want to share our frustrations, our unique accommodations, and maybe in the afterglow of wedding bliss some things we would have done differently. We hope that this blog can help others planning their wedding feel not so alone and give ideas on different ways to go about this very special day in our lives that can help others.

In the coming weeks, we will be getting this whole thing put together and better organized including, hopefully, introduction posts from those of us that will be your guides into a polygamous marriage between us gals, our hubbys-to-be, and Arthur, our arthritic nemesis.