Side note about me: I didn't grow up really that way because of my illnesses. I've always had self-esteem problems and thought I'd die too early to marry or that no one would want me and then ended up in abusive relationships with guys who wanted to marry me for sex. That's how many chronically ill and/or abused children grow up, often regardless of how supportive parents may be. I'm also incredibly eclectic so if I had planned my wedding in my head from childhood, it would be completely screwed up.
Men don't really go through the same things. Weddings don't carry the same emotional weight with them often as weddings might for women. So if your wondering why your fiance doesn't want to look at 80 different centerpiece ideas on pinterest, it isn't because he is getting cold feet - it's because the party aspect of the wedding often isn't as big of a deal. I know this because I'm living it right now. It is incredibly frustrating and I often feel like I'm planning things alone, but with the help of my girls I am figuring out how to integrate Theron into the ceremony through pointed questions and the like. I also seem to like a lot of different ideas than he does, so when he isn't as emotionally vested in things it makes it really hard for me to figure out what to do so that we don't have decor he hates on our big day.
I also just really, really hate making decisions especially when I'm not really the one forking over the money over this and he is.
No matter how much your fiance plays a role in things, getting married and having a wedding is stressful. There is a reason why wedding planners like David Tutera get paid the big bucks (David, come plan my wedding for free and I will make you all the tasty treats!!! I'd pay you, but I'm kind of in like $80k of debt between student loans and medical bills...). There is also a reason why being the maid of honor is a big fucking deal (I'm so sorry Katy).
For those of you who have been living under a rock, a bride-zilla is basically a woman who goes overboard with demands (and being demanding) with wedding details. Examples can include women getting 'uppity' over b-maid dresses, timing, pictures, hair, etc, etc, etc.
I'm going to throw a statistic at you compiled in my brain from all the damn wedding books and sites I've been looking at - the average wedding in the US costs between 25 and 30 THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS.
You read that right. Many many cost less and many cost more, but apparently that is the mean.
We aren't even close to being in the financial position to spend almost what the fiance makes in a year and more than I make in a year and a half on a party. But just ignore that for a minute...
For many, monogamy is still a big issue. I'm not one usually for religious ideals, but I am one for sentimentality. I love my fiance with all my heart. We both have come from very interesting family dynamics, with his parents having divorced when he was young and my single mama raising me and my sister living in the same house as her mother and brother. It is important to us, for ourselves and no one else, to find that person we can and will love until we each die. Theron is my penguin, and I am his. So us getting married and knowing that without a doubt this is the only wedding we each want to be in? That is a big deal. It is a lot of pressure, without planning the wedding entering the picture at all.
I also just think the term bride-zilla is terribly sexist, probably coming from people who do not understand the magnitude of the pressure and stress this event brings.
To recap:
- Many brides plan weddings with very little input from their grooms (I wonder how this works in a same sex situation. Hmmm.)
- Weddings cost a shit-load of money
- You are throwing a gigantic ass party for your nearest and dearest
- And, for some of us, it is the only wedding we will have
So forgive me if I do go a little bonkers, but as a bride I think maybe I might deserve that sometimes. That's just being a bride, not an odd bride-godzilla love child I promise.
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