We all can admit that having a shortage of spoons does not help whatsoever when you're wedding planning. Your body is already trying to precariously balance the normal stresses associated with your daily tasks - work or school (or both!), relationships, money, etc - and of course your treatments and issues associated with that. Now you want to add in a wedding huh?
When you first get engaged, it's like a rush of excited energy comes over you. You want to plan and go get married right now. Once you actually get into it, things just feel like they drain your energy 10x as much as they did before. But your excitement is still there, so you keep going.
Eventually you hit a wall where the last thing you want to look at is your wedding stuff. And that just feels rotten... especially if you have people around who are excited for you and want to believe that you're excited 24/7 for the rest of your life to begin - to the point of where, if you're not excited, something must be wrong OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED??
Yeah, no.
Here are some tips on how to get through wedding planning without permanently losing all your spoons (or marbles):
- Set aside specific times to do wedding planning. A tempting thought is to set aside every Saturday until the day you get married for wedding stuff - please just don't. You won't be able to stick to it, and you'll feel rotten even if you miraculously do.
- Realize that your fiance may or may not care about the same stuff you do when it comes to details. Guys generally have no idea how much detailed planning goes into weddings. You can either try to show them how difficult it is so you can plan things together, or ask him for what things are important to him and have him take over those parts.
- Set up helper days! It's tempting to want to do everything yourself, but recognize that even for the non-chronically-ill that just isn't possible. Have your gals come over for a wine and dine and invite addressing night, or involve your mom in picking out flowers. Just like with most spoonie things, asking for help can be the best choice you ever make.
- Make sure that, even in the midst of planning or the day you get married, you don't lose track of eating or drinking water (or wine!) and taking your meds according to schedule. Make sure you eat breakfast; have snacks with you when you're running around; always carry extra pain pills. A bride is pain is one that won't think clearly, and one without food is just scary.
- Take your time. Unless you need to get married ASAP for reasons (insurance, deployment, severe illness, etc), take your sweet bippy time with planning this thing. It's a huge undertaking, even if you're not inviting many people. 2 year engagements are awesome.
- You can't please everyone. There will be things other people want that you think are dumb, but don't fight too much over it. This is one day - and the wedding, while coming out of your pocket and being your brainchild, is really for your friends and family and not in the end for you.
- Keep the big picture in mind. You're getting married to your best friend - is it really going to matter if the tablecloths are blue or white?
And just remember - stress makes just about every medical condition worse. Try to take things slow :)
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